I can not decide who you are… and I always figure people out. I thought I knew you better than I knew anyone. You were my best friend, lover, confidant, and comfort. I trusted you with my soul.
And then I had no clue who you were, because the person I knew could never commit the acts you had. So i got rid of the idea of you that I had previously. I tried to think rationally and not with my emotion. Once i did that I never thought I had seen someone more clearly than who I saw you were. And you were a horrible, shallow person. Exactly what I began despising. You were just like the men I hated so much.
Yet so easily you transform back to the person I use to see you as. Just one night spent with you and I could never stop loving you, another night and you have my soul again, as if you’ve lulled it out of me in my slumber.
I cannot decide who you are.
I remember hearing about you before I met you… And when I did finally meet you you were in your baseball uniform and driving your orange jeep. They were always conspiring to get us together, from the start, but we were both to faithful to our loves. Even when we weren’t loved back by them. But you were very loved, your Dad cared enough about you to satisfy the hearts of a thousand abounded children, he would talk to you for hours just trying to help you, he once bought you a bunch of groceries for dinner when you were going to be out for a night… I remember finding the butter, well refrigerated on the table in the shack long after your last stay. Your one of the reasons I started smoking cigarettes, when we would go driving at lunch or after school with Jaycie and Hunter, I never thought you liked my company, but I would always catch you looking at my in the rear view mirror. We use to drive around and listen to your rock/country music. The first time I went back roading was with you and hunter when you heard that us Californian girls had never been. I remember that one time we went out to dinner and the druggy looking waitress kept flirting with you… You should have seen your face! I also remember the time your probably freaked me out more than I’ve ever been in my life, the day of the tornado, when we had to pull to the side of the road because it was getting to hard to see and you told me “Alyssa if I tell you to, get out and go down into that ditch” that’s when I started freaking out haha, you were so loving of jolee, right after you left our house you went straight to hers, I’ve seen you cry so much over that girl. And that’s what made you so strong, your heart got broken so many times but you still knew how to love. You were a really great person, and I mean that, I didn’t think people like you really existed, and although we weren’t close, I still have great memories with you, and you and your family are in my prayers. I’ll try not to think much about the way you past, but of these things, and your smile, your huge smile, and that funny laugh of yours :) rest in peace mike, I’m sure your in Gods grace now.